please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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