Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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