Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
