we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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