I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
We smell like vodka and hangover
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