Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
