we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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