Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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