I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
