Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
