Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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