Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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