the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
