Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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