She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
