Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
