R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
