well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
