Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
