Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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