i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
