I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
