Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
