The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize