how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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