its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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