yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
