laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
