So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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