Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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