What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
