I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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