I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
