make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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