martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
