I'm jealous of your bromance
its not stalking. its research.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
