Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Non-Jews are for practice
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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