my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
