is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
