Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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