just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize