Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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