Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That accounts for only three of the penises
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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