I'm jealous of your bromance
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize