I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
