my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
