What did we do last night that was yellow?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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