Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
