the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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