he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
