Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
