I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
