Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize