i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
