If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
