I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
