My sheets look like a crime scene.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
