you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
