No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
