I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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