So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
