i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
