I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
