If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
