We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
