Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
