is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
