Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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