i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
