her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
