ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
