My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
