Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
